I have a lot of things on my mind and I don't want to forget them, but I will. But I don't want to forget how assured I feel, at this moment, that Christianity is true.
Today, I woke up early to read Romans for a class. I pressed the "snooze" button on my alarm way too much. Then I went to eat breakfast. I always intend to do homework while I eat, but it never happens. I noticed that the guy sitting next to me was someone that I met in chapel the day before. His name is Sam. We had a good conversation about spiritual formation. Before he left, he prayed for us. In his prayer, he thanked God for what a blessing it was to have this conversation. I didn't get to read Romans, but I think that this was the better investment.
Afterward breakfast, I had cardio tennis. My foot has been "injured" for the last couple of weeks, but it was finally feeling better today. I had really missed working out and I always have fun in that class. Coach Dee makes me laugh so much, she said: "My aunt is 101...and well, let's just say...she's slowing down." Maybe you had to be there.
I had an hour before my next class so I listened to Romans audibly. Since the letters were originally written to be read audibly...I somehow felt more connected to what Paul was saying to the Romans. This happens to me when I read the Bible, it feels like I'm about to have an epiphany. Like, something in my heart is leaping with joy and I haven't quite understood it - but I'm so close. That happens to me a lot. It's my favorite feeling, next to when I finally understand the concept. If you have never listened / read Romans (or any book of the Bible) in one sitting, I highly recommend it.
Next, I had my Islamic theology class where we talked about how Muslims view Jesus (Isa). It was so interesting. Then, I had Women in Cross-Cultural ministry. My regular professor for the class is on a sick-leave, so we have a new professor. She brought up something that particularly interested me about ministry today. I felt that same...right before an epiphany feeling and even climaxed with understanding it - kind of. Then, I had theology of missions. This was the best lecture I have heard from Dr. Yeh all semester. It was incredible!
Then, I had a late lunch in the cafeteria. Normally, I don't like lunch - but today there were two different kinds of tacos. It was delicious! I had planned on just eating pizza, but this was a much better option.
Just a moment ago - I ran into Uncle Lloyd (Dr. Peckham) and he is just the kindest person that I've ever met. He encouraged me about going to Scotland this summer and remembered me as if I were in his class this semester (it's been a year since I was in his class). He asked if I remembered the song he taught in linguistics and I happily replied that I know it by heart! So, I got to perform it for him. He was giggling with me by the end of it.
Lastly, I turned in my grad petition form. I am on time and ready to graduate this time next year! I am so thankful for the wonderful professors, friends, and classes here at Biola. I am so extremely blessed beyond compare.
BUT, to be honest, just a few days ago - Sunday, actually. I was feeling a little sorry for myself. At that moment, I had really lost interest in everything. I didn't want to move. I just wanted to sleep. I thought, that if this is what life is like - then I don't want to be here. Every once in a while, I feel that way, but not in a suicidal way. Just...longing for Jesus to return or call me home. But then, today, I see what a joy life is and how God is using me to bless others and visa versa. Sometimes, I still don't understand the purpose of daily faithfulness. But today, it makes sense. Thank you God, for not listening to me when I've asked you to take me away from here. Thank you for being patient with me in my complaints about...nothing serious. Thank you for revealing yourself to me.
My sadness, though not all the time, is mostly me experiencing the after-effect of my sin. When I chase after other things, even though I know they aren't good for me, the result of my sin catches up to me. Then I get depressed. I disobey more. I think more about myself then others. It just goes on and on and on.
How funny because... when Jesus talks about worrying about life he says: "But seek first the kingdom of God and his righteousness and all of these things will be added onto you." Matthew 6:33
So, I guess - that's what I'll do.
